This is Chester. When I was in Afghanistan I got a care package from one of those “Adopt a Soldier” programs that lets families send care packages to service men and women who are deployed overseas. Anyway, I got this care package, and it came with the usual stuff: Baby wipes, crackers, peanut butter, the Dad threw in a pack of cigarettes, and there was some jerky. But there was also a little beanie baby gold fish and a hand written note from a 7 year old girl that said
“Dear Soldier, (I wasn’t even mad)
I hope you are doing well. I’m sorry you have to miss thanksgiving with your family. This is my friend Chester. He keeps me safe from monsters, but I think you need him more than I do. I hope he keeps you safe from the monsters you’re fighting. Take good care of him for me”.
You bet your ass that little fish was in my pocket every time I went on patrol.
My mom got me this shiRT AND I AM LAUGHING SO HARD SHE DOESNT EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT SHES DONE SHE DOESNT GET THE IRONY IN THIS I AM A CLOSETED LESBIAN THIS IS COMEDY GOLD I MIGHT COME OUT TO HER OVER THIS FUCKING SHIRT JUST TO EXPLAIN WHY I CANT STOP LAUGHING
UPDATE: When I told her I’m gay she crossed her arms and said in a really pissed off voice “Are you telling me I spent $15 on that shirt for nothing??”